And yet Easter still comes
On skipping traditions, failed Vigils, the rediscovery of an old friend’s writing through news of his death.
Hello, friends. I hope this post finds you well. To those who celebrate… a very blessed Easter to you!
I was going to post on Friday as usual, but the Twitter links were not showing as they normally did in my posts, and I found out that Twitter blocked links to Substack. In my frustration I decided to rework a few things, and I will post that piece later. In the meantime, I have been very busy baking during Holy Week.
On skipping traditions
In a hat tip to my husband’s family, we occasionally celebrate Passover (which was this past Thursday night). However, this year I pared down expectations on all religious fronts so as to feel like a more successful mother than in years past. It kind of worked, but I missed the frenzied excitement of seeing the many pieces of complicated feast come together. Passover tells a story through many senses, but especially through the sense of taste. The salted parsley, the dryness of the matzoh, the sweetness of the charoset…
It’s the charoset that I miss most. Proportions of apples, honey, cinnamon and seeds1 in years past were dictated by what we had, not what was written. No matter what, it always managed to be very good, as if providence mattered more than planning.
On failed vigils
Last night we attempted the Easter Vigil for the first time as a whole family. For most normal Catholic families of our size and age range, this would seem like a good year to try it. My oldest is 20 and my youngest is 7, and Vigil started at 7:30pm. After the promise of handheld fire was met, we managed to last about an hour and a half—up until the confirmation of the one candidate entering the Catholic Church that evening. It was at that point when one of my children decided we were done. We tried, and we learned.
When it comes to vigils, I remind myself that others were not been able to do what God asked of them, too. Remember Peter, John and James when Jesus was anguishing in the Garden of Gethsemane?
You deal with the embarrassment of letting Jesus down and move on.
Or rather, you deal with the feeling that you let Jesus down. I am fairly certain God understands everything.
Baruch Dayan Ha’Emet.
Blessed is the true Judge.
I believe in a merciful judge.
And there was Theo
At the beginning of Holy Week, I found out that a former workmate of mine had passed away. In our online alumni group, former colleagues chimed in with memories of Theo and linked to his blog. (Though a mechanical engineer by training, he was a very good writer.) There are reasons why I won’t link to him just yet. I have to figure out if it is a good idea… because he mentioned things that I am fairly certain are still affected by non-disclosure agreements which, due to his illnesses, he didn’t seem to care so much about anymore. Having worked at the same place, and being subject to the same agreements, I know how frustrating it is to not be able to tell *the most awesomest* of stories because the clients are so strict about confidentiality.
I would even have trouble mentioning his name, if it were not for the fact that his name, Theo, which means “of God” or “gift from God” and I find that detail poetic in the days that precede Easter. (He was, by the way, absolutely not Catholic.) He was quirky-handsome, creative, brilliant, and very, very funny. From the later stories I heard and read about him, he found peace elusive as he was diagnosed with brain tumors and had three surgeries to deal with them. He was dogged with demons that seem to follow the most imaginative and gifted people. Bugs, features. Blessings, curses.
Peace eventually came, as it always eventually does.
Eternal rest grant him, O Lord.
I will be back again, cheerier, I hope. I have useful information coming up in my developing posts. It’s just… well, it’s Easter. A strange time when death and life converge. Fasting followed swiftly with feasting. It is an unsettling time if I think about it too much.
Thank you for being here, especially for my paid subscribers. You are the reason why I will be able to start my MFA in poetry this fall. Your help means the world to me!
We have nut allergies, unfortunately. Otherwise nuts are usually in the recipe.